What should I do if my child tells me stories that are definitely not true? Is my child a liar? At what age can they distinguish between fantasy and reality?
Most parents know that children between the ages of 3 and 5 go through a magical phase. Not only fairy tales, but above all their own boundless imagination inspires them to create fantasy worlds that are just as important to them as reality.
All developmental steps are accompanied by the game.
Isn't it amazing that all of a child's developmental milestones happen joyfully and playfully? The more playful, the more effective? Self-awareness and self-esteem develop through smiles, tender physical contact, and being attentively seen by their closest caregivers. Language development begins with cheerful babbling. Motor skills are developed through tireless, playful movement, grasping, letting go, crawling, standing up, walking, jumping, running, and climbing. It's all fun!
In the "magical phase", imagination and reality enter into a playful dialogue with each other.
By around three years of age, physical development is relatively complete, and the child's cognitive abilities are developing. The magical phase begins as they interact with their environment, again in a playful way. They love listening to stories and inventing their own. When Hans Holgersson soars through the air on his goose, the child probably knows it's a fairy tale, or they'll be told so if they ask. The magic of the fairy tale, however, remains undiminished. In joyful chatter, they invent their own new stories. Imagination and reality enter into a playful dialogue that helps the child process the meaning and connections of their real-world experiences.
Identity development occurs through identity figures from reality and from stories.
Every story has heroes and villains with specific characteristics that the child finds admirable or repulsive, embedded in exciting plots. Listening to and inventing heroes and heroines not only allows the child to actively engage with their social and real environment, but also enables them to process their impressions, fears, and needs. It allows them to learn about reality, establish inner balance, and fulfill their wishes and fantasies of omnipotence, at least in their imagination.
Case study 1
At the age of three, Simon tells detailed stories about his older brother Max, with whom he has incredible experiences and who shows him the most amazing pranks that sound as if they were real.
How should one react to such fantasy stories?
When the father was asked if there really was an older brother, and replied, "No, it's not true!", the son reacted by crying loudly. He felt misunderstood and humiliated.
The father finally understood. That's why, on another occasion, he replied with a twinkle in his eye, "Max is Simon's best friend!" When Simon tells him about his experiences with Max, the father now responds with amusement, asks questions, and comments with interest. Or he simply lets his son chatter away, which also promotes language development. Simon can give free rein to his imagination, and both enjoy it, knowing that it's not about reality. When the father concludes with empathy, "You'd really love a brother like Max!" Simon is gently brought back down to earth. You can also simply return to everyday life, like, "Come on, let's go brush our teeth!" With a father like this, Simon thrives because he feels deeply valued and understood. Under no circumstances should you label your child a liar.
Case study 2
Another example, also with a three-year-old: The mother is looking for her car keys because they want to leave. Her son Rudi convincingly says, "When you were in the bathroom earlier, two strange men came in through the garden and took it." The mother asks a few questions and realizes that something about the story doesn't add up. Then she says gently but directly, "Did you see these men in real life or in your imagination?" to which she receives a sly smile, a sign of admission. Then she says, "Come on, help me look." Soon the keys are found.
Case study 3
At what point does a lie become a lie?
If a four-year-old daughter answers the question "Who spilled the milk?" with "The cat did it," even though the animal is nowhere to be seen, is that a lie? If it's obvious that the child doesn't want to admit a mistake but rather shift the blame onto someone else, and therefore readily uses their imagination – then it's important to gently reassure them that they have nothing to fear, but that you would like to know what really happened.
If parents show interest and maintain open communication, the child will naturally learn to understand the difference between fantasy and reality, truth and lies, and the magical phase will disappear on its own once it has served its purpose. The exploration of reality will then increasingly take a more cognitive approach and will be accompanied by many "Why?" questions.
Imagination fosters creativity
Learning numbers and facts isn't the only thing that's important for later success in life. A vivid imagination fosters creativity and personal development. Creative minds are needed not only in the arts, but in all areas of life. They are the leaven of our knowledge society, giving it dynamism and meaning.
Maria Neuberger-Schmidt
