How can you avoid stress with children?
Here is a case study
The mother prepares everything to be on time for her appointment. When she wants to get out of the door, she has to go back to the bathroom because little Bernhard needs a fresh diaper. Then Ines (4) comes and wants to put on different pants. The mother says that there is not enough time to change, but Ines begins to change clothes.
The mother knows the stubborn head of her daughter and lets her go in order to avoid an argument. But she has to interrupt the changing because Ines can't get the zipper closed. Bernhard, left unattended for a moment, pours the cleansing milk over. Now Ines asks for the red shoes: “The blue ones don't go with them!” The mother, hysterical: “No, that's enough!” To Ines loud protest, the mother puts the children in the car. There she can no longer contain herself and starts scolding. A verbal thunderstorm pours over the howling Inez. The mother sees herself as a fury. She hates herself for it. What can she do?
Draw boundaries before the situation escalates
The mother must not allow her first objection to be ignored. Often it is enough for her to resolutely repeat: “I said no!” Or to follow the daughter into the room and confront in a friendly manner: “No, Ines, you cannot change now. We're in a hurry! ”In general, it is a bad habit for children to change their clothes several times a day, especially if they drop their clothes carelessly. The mother has to insist: “You chose the blue trousers yourself. It stays that way now! ”Should Ines still resist, maybe even rage, the mother should stand in front of her as if rooted to the spot and prevent her from continuing:“ It stays that way: no! ”Firmly made up her mind, with understanding Implementation: “I'm sorry, not now! Even if it is difficult for you! ”Now, distraction can help, ideally with a task:“ Come and help me! I still have to change your brother! ”Giving recognition:“ Thank you! That was a great help to me. "
This intensive interaction with Ines takes one to five minutes, but certainly not as long as the escalation described before. Over time, Ines gets used to following mom's instructions, which definitely saves time and nerves. If she asserts her leadership position, she can remain the loving mother she wants to be to her children and give them what they really need: love and support.